K-K-K-Kathmandu

Hi everyone!

First off, let me just ease your worried minds.

I am fine.

Having not posted in more than a month, I imagine you were all very concerned. "Did she get hurt? Is she sick?" you asked yourselves. Perhaps you even thought, "Gosh, I hope she hasn't died." I appreciate the concern and I'm sorry I've left you for so long with no word. In my defense, it's been a busy month. I've been working, and we got all our household effects, so I've also been playing Grand Theft Auto IV. So if you want someone to blame for the lack of blog posts, look no further than the curs at Rockstar Games.

Life has been exciting and there are a lot of things I could write about. Like the time I met the Secretary of State, for example.*

But that would just be bragging and no one likes a braggart.

So I think I'll just focus on my trip with Mr. ATK to Kathmandu, Nepal. (Insert obligatory Bob Segar reference here.)

Over Memorial Day weekend, Mr. ATK and I took our first vacation together as a married couple to Kathmandu. We still haven't seen anything in India, or much of Delhi, but we thought we'd get the heck out of Dodge. Mainly airfare was super cheap and Kathmandu sounds like an awesome place to go (spoiler alert: it totally is) and it has consistently been over 110 degrees, so away we went.

But before I talk about Nepal, I must first share some of the oddities of traveling through Indian airports. Well, the main one is that you can't even get into the airport without a ticket. Do you have a sibling and/or child going off to some far flung land with a ton of luggage? Well, you better hope they can find a cart, because you ain't going in there to bid him/her adieu.** We were stuck behind a British chick with, like, four suitcases, but the guard wouldn't let her into the airport because I guess he didn't like the ticket she was presenting. And through no fault of our own, we were running late so we were subtly trying to flash our tickets and passports. Eventually the British lady was told to go elsewhere to deal with her ticket problems and we were allowed entrance to the airport.

The next interesting difference is that security is sex segregated. There is a different line for women and men. (I believe I mentioned this before here.) It's because after the metal detector, everyone gets a pat down. Sometimes it's pretty half-hearted (like at the Hyatt), but at the airport, they aren't playin' around (nor should they.) So Mr. ATK and I go stand in our separate lines. Nine times out of ten, the women's line goes much faster. As I was waiting for Mr. ATK to finish I watched as the security guys stripped this guy of pretty much everything he had brought in the plastic shopping bags that he was using as his carry-on luggage confiscated.   To be fair, his "luggage" was filled orange juice and mosquito repellent, neither of which was in the required 1 oz. bottles and packed in a quart-sized Ziploc bag. He clearly was unaware of the "no liquids" policy or had just gone grocery shopping.  Or both.

After finally getting through security, we had a little time to stop by the airport food court. I decided on McDonald's while Mr. ATK decided on a fried chicken chain that I can only assume is the Indian equivalent of KFC. Hilariously, when Mr. ATK went up to the counter to order his chicken combo meal, he was informed that they did not have any chicken. No chicken. At a chicken restaurant. Incredulously he asked, "You don't have chicken? What do you have?" "French fries," was the reply. So he came over to McDonald's, which, apart from the cheery greeting of "We don't take credit cards" actually had all of the food items on its menu available for purchase.

So then we finally got on a plane and went to Nepal. Kathmandu was very cool. It's kind of like what I imagined India to be... you know, before I actually got to India. Saw a fair amount of cows blocking traffic. Monkeys. Temples. Interestingly, there are no traffic lights in Kathmandu. I'm not even exaggerating. I think we saw one. (It's a city of well over a million people, in case you were wondering.) They seriously have police officers standing in the middle of intersections directing rickshaws, auto-rickshaws, scooters and cars. And cows. But the cows don't seem to take direction all that well.  At first I thought it was some sort of Nepalese jobs initiative, but after conferring on the matter Mr. ATK and I decided that it was probably due to electrical load shedding which leaves parts of Kathmandu without power for (scheduled) hours on end. Police officers are always there. Except when they are not. But they don't require electricity to function, so they are probably a more stable source of traffic guidance than lights would be.

We stayed at a nice little boutique hotel in Thamel, which is a tourist heavy shopping area.We also ended up hiring a taxi driver named Raju to take us to all the cool stuff, which he did.  My camera died on the second day though so pictures are limited. Mr. ATK was also robbed by a monkey.

More stuff happened, but I'm kinda tired and don't feel like writing more. So instead of writing, I am just going to post the following video of some people I don't know's vacation set to the music stylings of Michigan's own Mr. Robert Segar. Basically all the stuff you see in the video--we did and/or saw that.  Except the biking.

*By "met the Secretary of State" I meant "photobombed a picture of the Secretary of State with a bunch of children."

**To be fair to IGI Airport (the international airport in Delhi) supplies baggage carts for free. As do many other airports that are not in the US. 

Ladies and Gentlemen, this is Mambo number 5!

First, May 3rd marked the four month anniversary of the ATK-Mr. ATK union. That's like twice as long as a Kardashian marriage. Yay us!

Second, I officially started my job so I am no longer a lady of leisure. I request a moment of silence please, as we remember those halcyon days of yore when I played Plants vs Zombie all the time and walked the dog four times a day. Now I am a part of "the establishment" working for "The Man."* Happily, I finally have a reason to wear those dress pants, dresses, and nice shoes I brought with me. I'm makin' it work!

Third, our household effects finally arrived. No longer will the maid have to mix banana bread batter in a cooking pot for we now have mixing bowls. We also have a knives that cut, more than four of each utensil, several crockpots, and tupperware for food storage. It's glorious! Honestly, it's a bit like Christmas--opening up all those boxes and seeing your stuff. Plus, the maid had taken to bringing her own tupperware to our house so she had somewhere to store the food she made. Borrowing kitchenware from the maid! Can you imagine? If I were wearing pearls, I would actually be clutching them right now.

Anyways, because of these exciting events, Mr. ATK and I decided to take our first trip to an Indian movie theater to see The Avengers! (Well, I really wanted to see it, Mr. ATK was like, "whatevs." I just love that Iron Man!)

Mr. ATK did some pre-movie research and with the help of our driver found a theater near us. The website only indicated that The Avengers would be showing on Wednesday and Thursday evenings. Now as a working couple with a puppy that wakes us up at 5:30 am, we would have preferred a Friday or Saturday showing obviously. And though it is hard to believe that the second biggest blockbuster of the summer** would be pulled after a week (I think it came out last weekend) we were warned by people that due to the sheer volume of movies put out by Bollywood, most movies (American and Indian alike) don't stay in the theaters for longer than two weeks. So we decided not to risk it and went on Thursday night (which coincidentally was our anniversary).

Going to the movies was quite an experience. First we arrived at the ticket counter, only to be told there were no tickets purchased under our credit card, so we bought some more. Then we had to go through a metal detector and get a pat down. I'm not kidding. Literally, I went behind a screen and some Indian ladies frisked me. It was really half-hearted though--just a boob and tummy grab (two body parts that every woman wants strangers to touch.) At first I was a little nervous because there was a sign that said NO HANDBAGS ALLOWED. It also said no phones or other electronic devices, etc. Like you couldn't bring them into the building. But they didn't really seem to care that I had two phones with me, and after patting my stomach to be assured that it's all real, they let me in.

Then we went to the concessions stand. Now it was about 7 pm and we hadn't eaten dinner yet so I was anticipating some movie food goodness. Prices were reasonable; they had a wide variety of food--including a sign taped to the cash registers encouraging folks to try their "!!!yummy pasta!!!" (punctuation theirs). I decided I would get a Paneer Kathi Roll combo. I don't know exactly what that is, except it's some kind of roll with paneer (an Indian cheese) and it came with popcorn and a drink. Mr. ATK ordered the chicken hot dog combo only to be told there were no hot dogs, so he switched to a chicken sandwich. I asked if I could have Mountain Dew instead of Pepsi and the guy was like, "OK." (There's a reason for this level of detail, I swear.) Well, Mr. ATK's chicken sandwich ended up being not the chicken-fillet-on-a-bun sandwich he was expecting, but one of those little triangle sandwiches that come in the plastic container. The seal was broken and it was a curry chicken salad. Not what he was expecting. I just ended up with a large Mountain Dew for some reason. When I inquired about my Paneer Kathi Roll, the guy said, "No paneer." I'm not sure why he didn't tell me that when I ordered the roll in the first place and give me the option of ordering something else (like he did for Mr. ATK.) When I complained to Mr. ATK he said, "You know they don't like giving people bad news here." To which I replied, "But they did give me bad news. They prolonged it by five minutes, but ultimately I did receive the bad news." And in reality, that strategy makes the news worse, because you are expecting something, you know? If you don't tell me right away there is no Paneer Kathi roll, and I watch you prepare our order, I am anticipating receiving (what I assume to be) a delicious Paneer Kathi roll. When I am presented with a tray holding a large Mountain Dew, I am disappointed.

Anyways, we get to the theater, get our glasses, find our seats, etc. Like in the US they show commercials before the movie, expect here we are informed that the commercials are brought to us by... some company I've forgotten. The point is that the commercials have sponsors! Crazy!

Eventually the movie starts and we are enjoying the Whedon-ian banter and plot. Then right when Iron Man is about to shoot lasers at a bad guy, the movie stops and the lights come on. Mr. ATK and I naturally assumed that the projector broke or something. But everybody (well, 80%) of the theaters gets up and starts leaving. Then Lou Bega's late 90's classic Mambo No. 5 starts blaring over the sound system. At this time, Mr. ATK and I are really confused. I just kept repeating, "That's not the end. The movie's not over. That's not... he was just about to shoot that guy!" After Mambo No. 5*** segued into The Venga Boys are Coming which turned into the Macarena and people started coming back into the theater, we surmised that this was some sort of bathroom break. Apparently they just stop the movie at the midway point, regardless of what is happening on-screen. Mr. ATK and I found this (along with the Mambo No. 5) to be unintentional comedy gold. One of those truly awesome "What the what?" moments that are so common when you are living in a foreign country. Eventually, you stop noticing them.

Anyways, the rest of the movie was good. I really just wanted to talk about the Mambo No. 5 thing and unofficial intermission. I also hear movies shown in India are heavily censored (mainly they take out the sexy times.) My version of The Avengers had no sexy times. Let me know if I missed something.

*Not his real name.
**We all know The Dark Knight Rises is *the* summer movie this year
*** Mambo No. 5!

"Ba" se "Baloo"

That means "B" is for "Bear" in Hindi. Yes, I am learning Hindi. Mr. ATK is also learning Hindi, but who wants to hear stories about him?

Hindi is an interesting language. Perhaps you've seen it before. It looks like this: नमस्ते! (That says "namaste" or "hello." I'm not sure if the script will show up on all your computers. Especially if you're using Internet Explorer. I'm guessing you guys will just get a series of random wingdings.) It has a phonetic alphabet so you just need to learn the letters. It can be pretty tricky because there are about four ways to make a "t" sound, but with practice, I think I've memorized most of the letters.

Well, Mr. ATK and I have Hindi class twice a week and for about 15 minutes each time we practice the letters. And by "practice" I mean "rote repetition" like what you do with kids. (You know, "A" is for "apple." that kind of stuff.) So one day we get to "B" (or "Bh" as it is usually written. A heavily aspirated "B.") The teacher says, "Bha se Bhalu." And then he's like, "Bhalu is bear. Like in The Jungle Book." Well, Reader, let me tell you something--there are very few things I enjoy more than Disney cartoons and if they contribute to my educational enrichment, so much the better. So I started to ask about all the Jungle Book characters. Mr. ATK says I was quite belligerent about it, but the teacher did bring it up.)

Basically the conversation went something like this.

Me: What about Sher Khan?

Teacher: Sher means lion.

Me: But Sher Khan is a tiger.

Teacher:  Sher means lion. The bad guy in the Jungle Book is a lion.

Me: No. Sher Khan is a tiger. The bad guy is a tiger.

Mr. ATK (to me): You are talking about a Disney cartoon. Have you read the book?

(Side note: Since I had not read the book, I did not continue to press the point that the bad guy in The Jungle Book is a tiger not a lion. Disney does tend to take creative licence with those kinds of things anyways. But I looked it up and indeed it is a tiger who is the villain in The Jungle Book. And lions don't live in India. But Sher still means lion and not tiger. I guess Kipling's Hindi was limited.)


Me: Does Bagheera mean anything?

Teacher: What?

Me: Bagheera. Bagheera. Does that mean panther?

Teacher: No. It doesn't mean anything. Well, Bagh means tiger. "Eera" is suffix you can use.

Me: But Bagheera's a panther.... bagh doesn't mean panther?

Teacher: No, bagh means tiger.

Me: What about Kaa? Is that snake?

Teacher: No.


Me: How about hathi?

Teacher: Hathi is elephant.

Me: Colonel Hathi is an elephant!

Mr. ATK: Are you done?

I did not bother asking if King Louie meant chimpanzee, because I was fairly sure that was some Disney creativity at work with that one.

So yeah. I can name a few animals and fruits and vegetables in Hindi. Also the English word for bell pepper here is capsicum.