The Wonders of the Armed Forces Network

So the ATKs have an AFN box and it is wonderful. AFN, for those of you who don't know, is the "Armed Forces Network." As the name implies, it is the network of the (American) armed forces, so that our boys (and girls) can see American programming while stationed abroad. Back when I lived and worked in Korea (back in aught 3), there was one AFN network and it was broadcast locally, so you could watch in on regular TV. It was there that I first became familiar with original recipe CSI as well as all the, um, high quality AFN commercials. For those who are not aware, AFN channels (which, we now have 12, though one is a guide and two are the same sports channel, as opposed to the one we had in Korea) do not show regular commercials. Instead, the armed forces make their own commercials, and these commercials... well, sometimes they make me concerned for the state of our armed forces.

Let me start by saying the commercials fall into several categories:

1. Quizzes. These quizzes are usually on world geography, U.S. geography, or military history. Those of you who know me, know I enjoy a good game of trivia. The format is usually three clues along with a corresponding picture, and then the answer, along with the capital city. I think I'm pretty good with the world geography, though sometimes the clues are a little vague ("They enjoy dancing in this country!" I mean, people enjoy dancing in most countries of the world. A better clue would be "They don't enjoy dancing!" in which case my guesses are either Saudi Arabia or that town from Footloose.) I could be better at U.S. geography, because I technically get many of the places wrong, but usually the cities are obscure and I often get the states right (sample answers include Davenport, Iowa, and Springfield, Massachusetts.)  The military history ones are hard. But I have learned that Lewis "Chesty" Puller is the most decorated marine in U.S. history and also the cousin of General Patton.

2. Field Trips and other fun events in which we cannot partake. Trip to Paris! Trip to... other European city! Little league is starting up in, I don't know, some place in Germany. Trip to see the NFL in London! We don't get to go on any of these trips. Obviously.

3. Well wishes. A panoply of sports stars, movie stars, ambassadors, and high ranking military personnel are often thanking "you" for your service. (The ambassadors and military people I feel usually just come on to wish "you" one of a variety of happy holidays.) I don't think they are talking to us when they say "Thank you for your service." 

4. Public Service Announcements. Oh. Em. Gee. So many PSAs. I guess really that is the main genre of commercial on AFN. Sometimes it makes me concerned about our troops. The first PSA I ever saw on AFN (back in '02) was advising soldiers not to fight with vending machines because they can fall on you and kill you. My roommate at the time, who was from New Zealand, wondered if the U.S. military had a significant problem of soldiers getting crushed by vending machines.

Currently, I would say most of the PSAs are for pretty banal things. Lift with your legs, not your back; wear your seat belt; recycle; don't be a shitty roommate; and things of that ilk. Of course, the commercials themselves can be pretty amusing/annoying even if their ultimate message is pretty boring. Examples:

• In the commercial about lifting with your back, Mr. ATK always yells at the t.v. that the person doing the lifting in the commercial is a colonel and thus would never have to lift such a box. (Personally, I think he is just showing off his knowledge of military outfits and all the doohickeys that show what rank someone is. I do not have this knowledge.) 
• In the seat belt commercial, one of the young women says, "I'll sit in the back so I don't have to wear a seat belt. I don't want to ruin my shirt." What? Is this a thing people say/think?
• In the shitty roommate commercial, one lady is taking a bath and her roommate knocks on the door and asks if some friends can come over. Bath lady says sure. Roommate returns to say a few more people came over, hope that's okay. Bath lady says is fine "I guess." Then the roommate knocks on the door again and is like, "Yo, are you almost done. I need to use the bathroom." Bath lady gets exasperated. The message comes on to tell us to be good roommates. I am always left scratching my head wondering who the shitty roommate was: the lady hogging the bathroom, or the one who invited people over and basically ended up having a party. They both kinda suck in my eyes.

Then you've got your serious PSAs. The ones like, "Don't beat your wife;" "Sexual assault/harassment is bad," "Get help if you have depression (or an alcohol problem, or a gambling problem)," and "Don't contribute to the trafficking of people." I can't really make any jokes about that stuff.

I have also learned what "spice" is (long before Chandler Jones went crazy in New England and got traded to the Cardinals.) And also that you shouldn't drink energy drinks before working out.

But, over all, I really enjoy having AFN. I like the sports (first time I've ever watched a boxing match) and you usually get like 6 NFL games a week, not including the night games. I like the movies (on occasion). The timing for the t.v. shows is generally odd, because AFN is designed for Europe and East Asia and we are in between. So, you know, Jimmy Fallon is on at 6 pm instead of late at night, but so is, like, General Hospital or Dr. Phil.

I will say, not everyone likes it. One of the guys here (a former Marine*) asked what we did to watch sports and we were like, "Oh we just use AFN. Don't you have an AFN box?" He was like, "I refuse to support AFN. They talk to people like they're idiots." I guess he didn't appreciate being told to wear his seat belt.


Lastly, I was hoping to find some current AFN commercials to share with you all, but youtube doesn't seem to have any. So I'll just share this. The productions values are a bit better now, but it's basically the same stuff. You know, "Don't drive with your windshield covered in snow." Important advice like that.

* Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. Once a marine always a marine. No one's a former marine.

бешик той! (aka Cradle Party!)

New baby!

Well, the TK Family is finishing up in Kyrgyzstan. Time has flown by and I have been terrible about keeping this blog even nominally updated. I apologize for that. I could blame it on BabyTK, but... well, yeah, let's just go ahead and blame it on him.

This past weekend we headed out to the village for the бешик той (pronounced "beshik toy") of Mr. ATK's host brother's newborn son. It is customary in Kyrgyzstan to have a party forty days after the baby is born (during the first forty days no visitors apart from family are allowed to see the baby and mother.) I wanted to focus most of this post on the party, but also on the different cultural customs relating to childbirth and early child rearing.

So I've lived in a few countries and I've found that the different cultural customs surrounding childbirth and the early postpartum days are very interesting. In Bolivia I had not had any children so I couldn't really compare personal experiences, but I could generally compare what my Bolivian friends told me with what I was aware of in America. (And sometimes I would check-in with my mom or some other American who had birthed a baby to be like, "Do we think x, y, or z after a baby is born?" and they would generally be like, "I've never heard of that before.") Anyways, some general and/or traditional notions in Bolivia include the following:

• The mother can't touch water for a set amount of time after the baby is born (I'm not sure if there is a specific number, though. I feel it is something like three weeks.)
• For the first month the baby can't be exposed to a non-relative woman who is menstruating, because something about the scent makes the baby sick. 
• You can't stand behind the baby and look down on it (Like standing behind the baby so it has to sort of roll its eyes up to look at you.) This will hurt the baby's eyes.
• Many people wrap their babies up in what is essentially an Ace badge. I always thought the babies looked like little Glowworms. It's basically like swaddling. They say it helps the baby's back/spine strength develop. 
• It's fairly common to carry the baby in an aguayo (basically a blanket) on your back.

I'm sure there are more, but this is what I can remember and if I've misrepresented anything please let me know, Bolivian peeps.

So, why am I talking about Bolivia when this party is in Kyrgyzstan? Just because I think it's interesting to compare different beliefs and customs. I wouldn't necessarily expect them to be similar, but I think it is interesting if/when there are overlaps.
  
Anyways, the Kyrgyz have a similar aversion to water in the first month or so after birth. No touching water for the new mother. This happily means no dish washing and no laundry, but it also means no bathing...which, yeah, no. I wonder what it is with water, because, as previously mentioned, Bolivians have a similar rule.  Nazgul (my Kyrgyz sister-in-law and new mother to Bekali) said it is because women are very weak after giving birth. After having gone through the miracle of child birth myself now, I can't imagine not being allowed to bathe afterwards for a month. I mean, as soon as I could feel my legs again, I wanted to hop in the shower. Of course, both Nazgul and my Bolivian friends were like "I just wanted to take a shower!"

She was also telling me that for the first month after birth, the mother has a very restricted diet and can really only drink/eat broth. No fruit, no raw/fresh vegetables. The broth is supposed to be good for your milk and vegetables and fruit (our nanny specifically mentioned grapes. Like, "Can you eat grapes in America after having a baby?") can cause stomach issues for the baby. I do vaguely recall being warned by the nurses not too eat too much of any one thing (like cauliflower or milk) but that generally it was okay to drink/eat whatever. (Obviously alcohol was an issue and I think things with caffeine were to be limited, but not outright prohibited. I remember someone telling me I shouldn't have chocolate and I was like, "Yeah, I don't think I'll be following that rule.")

And while I'm sure there are other things--my nanny said for the first month mothers basically stay in bed with the baby and aren't allowed to go anywhere or do anything...which yay! No housework! but also Boo! I'm trapped in a bed like James Caan in Misery"--the last thing I want to mention is the superstition against basically complimenting the baby. I'm not quite sure how to describe it because it still wasn't clear to me, even after having it explained by both my sister-in-law and my nanny. At first I thought they were talking about, like, protection from the evil eye or something, but that's not really it. Basically I was chatting with Nazgul and cooing over the baby and she left and got a bit of ash and put it on the baby's forehead (like Ash Wednesday!) and when I asked what she was doing she said that with all the guests maybe some of them say nice things and it protects the baby from getting sick. I was basically like, "Huh?" But, you know, who am I to judge?
 
Later, I was asking our nanny about this too and she was like, "Yep. It protects the baby when people say things like, 'Oh he's so big,' or 'He's so beautiful,' and then the baby gets sick." This confused me a bit and Kunduz (our nanny) explained it thusly, "Once when my husband was young, another woman said to my mother-in-law, 'Oh your son is so tall! My son is not so tall.' And my mother-in-law says my husband never grew any taller and she blames that lady." I was like, "So you're not supposed to say nice things about the baby?" Her: "No." Me: "Like, it's bad to say nice things? Like, it's bad to say, 'The baby is so cute!'" Her: "Yes." Me: "Oh...." Upon reflection, no one else said anything to or about the baby but me, so basically she was protecting the baby from me, but of course is too polite to be like, "Oh my god, stop! Stop saying my baby is beautiful!" I later relayed this to Mr. ATK and he was like, "Yeah, I know." I was like, "What the hell, man?!" I mean, he really dropped the ball on that one. He usually delights in telling me when I am being uyat (shameful). Whether I am disrespecting bread by throwing it in the garbage or sitting in such a way that the bottoms of my feet are facing someone, he is usually johnny on the spot letting me know. Anyways, I really hope little Bekali doesn't get sick or anything, because I'm pretty sure I know where the fingers will be pointing.

Me and the new little guy. Probably shortly after one of the many times I complimented him.

 
On to the toy.  Well, there was a lot of food. I'll say one thing for the Kyrgyz. They sure can put on a spread.

Round 2: The family gets to eat. The meat is tash kordo, made from BabyTK's lamb.

We arrived the day before the party to visit, and there was much work being done to prep. Sheep were slaughtered (more on that in another post), boorsok was fried, and about 10 gallons of Olivier salad was prepared (that's basically a Russian potato and olive salad for those who are unaware.)

Frying up some fresh boorsok. The oil is hot and the kitchen gets smoky.

 So the party itself, was kind of like New Year's. There was like three rounds of food. Really three rounds of guests. First the neighbors came and had beshbarmak. Then family and friends had tash kordo. And then, at like 10:30 at night, there were samsas and soup with friends.

Preparing the beshbarmak. 

BabyTK enjoys the food.

But during all this eating, in celebration of the new baby, the baby and mother were conspicuously absent. We're sitting around the table enjoying the first course and I'm thinking, "Where are they?" Once BabyTK had finished eating and was beginning his usually throwing food phase, we took our leave and went outside. Mother and baby were busy in the kitchen (one was cooking and the other was sleeping. I'll let you guess which was which.) I popped in to chat for a bit. Not gonna lie- It seemed odd that the party was ostensibly for the baby and the baby was not in attendance. Late someone assured me people saw the baby. Mr. ATK thinks maybe it's like how in America you have a big party/baby shower for the first baby but then you don't have one for the second kid. I don't know. Also, I think around round 3 of the party, Nazgul and the baby came in the room and folks passed around the baby and coo'ed and whatnot (but no compliments, remember!) Nazgul still had to work pouring tea and serving, but she got to sit down some.

Interrupted cooking to snap a mother-son photo

All in all, it was a delightful time. Also for good measure, here is a picture of the baby next to a giant bowl of Olivier salad.
  

ATK Hits the Slopes!

At the tippy top of the mountain at Karakol Ski Base.

 
After, I don't know, like a decade of not skiing, I finally got the opportunity to hit the slopes again here in the ole KG (that's Kyrgyzstan, to all you folks who aren't in the know.) Now I am not the best skier. Being from Wisconsin, my ski experiences have been limited to what passes for ski hills there. (And I assure you, they would make people from Colorado and other states with actual mountains laugh out loud. I remember the first, okay only, time I went to Colorado with PapaTK to go skiing. It was the first time I realized that downhill skiing was actually exercise.)

Anyway, back to Kyrgyzstan...

In a country that is 95% mountains, there are, I suppose, ample opportunities for skiing. Especially if you like hiking up the mountain and skiing down it. That's not really my idea of a good time though. Luckily, there are a few ski resorts in the country and over the past month or so I have gotten to experience three of them--Zil, Chunkerchak, and Karakol. It has been quite the experience comparing them to American ski bases (though I freely admit my experience skiing in America is quite limited) and there are definitely some pros and cons to skiing here.


Pro: You get to be creative
Basically, the lift takes you up the mountain and you get to find your own way down. The runs aren't particularly defined (in most places) and there are, of course, no signs or indications of the difficulty of the run.


Con: The runs aren't marked for difficulty... or anything else for that matter
It was pretty fun trying to make my own path down the mountain, but it was pretty nerve racking for this not-so-skilled skier at first.  I'm no daredevil or anything so I took it pretty slow, trying to get back into the swing of things. good thing I did, because there were several times where I would come upon a rock, or a ravine, or a cliff, or plants, or a snow machine, just sitting there in the middle of the run. (Okay, the cliffs were usually the side of the run. Some might say they are nature's border.) In America, these things are usually marked with orange fencing (and usually aren't in the run anyway, unless it's a double black diamond or something.)  Why is the snow machine in the middle of the run? Is it supposed to be an obstacle? But in all fairness, I do think the shallow ravines were supposed to separate runs, but you wouldn't know it because there are no signs. I did get to watch a few people who tried to ski or snowboard through the ravine get stuck in the deep snow and try and claw their way back out.

But yeah, no information as to the difficulty of the runs, which made me pretty nervous to take that lift to the top of the mountain for fear that I would then be forced to ski down something crazy and perhaps ski into a tree or right off the mountain. 


Con: No grooming
No, I'm not talking about people. In my experience (and yes, I realize this is a small-N study) they do not groom the runs here in KG. On one hand, I got to ski through some crazy "powder" (as the ski folks call it) when I went skiing the day after a big snowstorm. That was kind of fun. (Except in the areas where they had inexplicably run the snow machines, which produced hard, icy snow that was really hard to turn on.)

At the top of the mountain about to ski down. The snow was deep.

On the other hand, during my big trip out to the fancy ski resort in Karakol, it hadn't snowed in a while and the runs were all icy and had dirt exposed in certain spots where people commonly turned. (This would be the base where I chose not to ski down from the top for fear of hitting a tree or skiing off the mountains, which did kind of take away half the runs. Perhaps those runs weren't so icy. I guess I'll never know. Quite a few people did run into trees while skiing on that trip, so I do feel like I made the right choice.)


Con: Kyrgyz people ski like they drive...
...with absolutely no regard for anyone else in the vicinity.

(I have no picture of this, unfortunately. Proud to say, I managed to avoid getting mowed down on the bunny hill.)


Con: This cinder block wall will kill someone someday

Death trap at Zil Ski Base

 
Okay, this is specific to one ski base--Zil--which is pretty close to Bishkek. They only had one lift running when I went and basically this wall is at the bottom of the run to prevent people from going off a small cliff into the parking lot. You can't see it in the picture, but you come down the run and then you have to turn sharply to make it into this little corral to get in line for the lift. When I went it was icy and people would wipe out on the turn and of course you couldn't see them until you came flying around the corner as well. I'm surprised there was never more of a pile up.

Pro: It's absolutely beautiful
Can't beat the views when you are heading up the lift and down the mountain.

Karakol Ski Base

Pro/Con: They let you ride the ski lift up without skis. They also let you ride it back down.
This is nice for those of us who don't want to risk our lives skiing down narrow tree-lined icy runs but also want to go to the top of the mountain. It is weird to see random families standing around at the top of the hill, though. And if you go up with skis and you decide you don't want to ski down, they let you ride down holding your skis and I guess you throw them over board when you get to the bottom and try to get off the chairlift and run out of the way in ski boots. Seems a little unsafe to me, but then again, so is skiing into a tree. 

Pro: It's so cheap!
As far as skiing goes, you certainly can't beat the prices in Kyrgyzstan. A lift pass for the day was under 20 dollars and equipment rental was super cheap too. Also under 20 dollars. I don't know what the going rate for ski rentals is in the U.S. these days, but I imagine it's more than 20 bucks.

The cafe was pretty pricey. For Kyrgyzstan anyway. No wonder so many people did the ole car hood picnic.

Picnic!

Pro: You might get to ride a camel

If you decide you don't wish to go skiing, you could always ride a camel.

The Joys of International Travel with an Infant

You'll all be happy to know that BabyTK and I have returned safely to the Big Manti* with MamaTK in tow. (Mr. ATK returned a couple weeks before we did.) Actually, we've been back for more than a month. Time really flies.

Anyways, we had quite the adventure--Chicago to Frankfurt to Istanbul to Bishkek. Of course, you could just do Chicago to Istanbul to Bishkek and cut out the Frankfurt part all together but then I wouldn't get the joy of taking a United flight (*grumble*stupidFlyAmericaAct*grumble.*)  This one was a United flight operated by Lufthansa, so perhaps it was slightly better than an actual United flight. I don't know.

Anyways, I would like to break this experience down into the various legs.

1.) Pre-Departure
So in order to travel internationally, one must have a passport. Even little babies. So prior to the birth of BabyTK, I was pretty concerned about getting the passport in time to get BabyTK's ticket purchased without having to rearrange the plane tickets MamaTK and I already had. And of course BabyTK needed a diplomatic passport so that's a whole extra layer of bureaucracy to deal with. So basically as soon as the little guy popped out, Mr. ATK was filling out the paperwork in order to get everything set. And might I add, trying to take a passport photo of a five day old baby with his eyes open, is quite the challenge. Anyways, we had our paperwork on point. Got a birth certificate like, three days after the baby was born, and submitted all the appropriate paperwork, expedited I might add, within two week after birth. I mean, BabyTK was born on August 18 and we sent our stuff in, again EXPEDITED!, before the end of the month. So weeks go by. September starts winding down and no passport. I keep bugging Mr ATK who was like, "I'm sure it's coming. We have time." Mr. ATK receives a thing saying "the passport has been processed" so I'm like, "Great it should be coming. More weeks go by, no passport. September ends and Mr. ATK heads back to Bishkek and no passport. We were scheduled to fly October 16 and recall, BabyTK doesn't get a ticket without a passport, so he not only doesn't have a passport, he has no plane ticket. Finally, I check in with a facebook group to be like, is this long of a wait normal? (I mean we were supposed to fly in two weeks.) And then I got to hear all sorts of horror stories of passports left on a pile in DC or sent to Post instead of to the home address in the U.S. So I get the number and call and sure enough, BabyTK's passport is in a pile in DC waiting for us to pick it up and has been for, like, 3 weeks. Sigh. I have no idea why it wasn't shipped to the address we requested it be sent to, but it must happen often enough that they were super helpful and shipped it out that day. I got it the next day and luckily got BabyTK's ticket purchased in time. Still, it was a little too close for comfort for me.


2.) ORD-FRA
Our first leg of the journey was also the longest. Chicago O'Hare to Frankfurt. That's about a nine hour flight and I was pretty concerned about how my fellow passengers would react to BabyTK. I mean, let's be honest here. How many of you out there get that scowl as soon as you see a baby or other small children on your flight, especially when it's a long one? I know I've felt that sense of dread, though I like to think I never gave anyone the evil eye or did that obvious disappointed sigh right by the parents. I was worried he would cry the whole time and everyone on the airplane would hate me. But then again, he is a baby and babies cry so get over it, you know? And BabyTK was an awesome flyer. On this flight we were in the bulkhead seats which had a bassinet, which was really nice since BabyTK likes to stretch out. He was getting a little cranky in his car seat after awhile, but once I laid him in the bassinet he was good to go.

The downside to the bulkhead is you can't have luggage at your feet during take off and landing which is annoying and worst of all, the armrests don't go up so you are, like, wedged into these tiny seats. I mean, I usually don't have a problem with the width of airplane seats (even after packing on the pounds gestating a human like inside of me) but these were tight.  

So we get to Frankfurt and, I haven't yet mentioned one big downside of traveling with an infant which is that they get their own luggage and carry on (as a ticketed passenger) but, uh, are not very helpful in helping to transport the extra baggage. In fact, they themselves are a little bit like extra baggage as pushing his stroller took away precious luggage hauling/cart pushing hands. MamaTK and I were juggling our luggage and carry-ons and his. In Chicago, we hired a guy to cart the luggage to the ticket counter, and so we just ended up with the carry-ons. But still, that left us with 6 carry-ons (excuse me, three carry-ons and three personal items) plus a baby in a stroller. It was quite the sight watching us try to get down the airplane aisle with everything and the car seat. Thankfully, on our Chicago trip other passengers helped us maneuver the luggage and put it in the overhead bins. Maybe they were being nice or maybe they were annoyed with how slowly we were plodding up the aisle. Either way, they helped. A big thank you to them.

Anyways, we arrive at Frankfurt, and as everyone is in a hurry to get off the plane, we wait so as not to clog the aisle with all our crap. This of course means no one is available to help us try and get all the stuff off the plane. I mean, yes there was the entire flight crew but they just watched us struggle and looked annoyed that we were taking so long. I think one of them even asked if we were planning to get off. It's a bit hazy now; I just remember being super annoyed and pretty stressed. I know it is not their job to carry our luggage, but, I mean, we're moving as fast as we can, so either lend a hand  or shut up and wait. (We got all the luggage down, the challenge was getting it down the narrow aisle and out the door.) Oh, and of course the stroller we gate checked was not waiting for us at the exit as we anticipated, but was sent to baggage claim. Why? I have no idea. Kind of defeats the purpose of having a stroller. So now I am carrying a car seat that I anticipated pushing on the stroller frame, plus carrying several carry-ons, as is MamaTK. But now we need to haul ass through the entirety of the Frankfurt airport, go through immigration--where I was asked to present proof that my baby was mine because our last names are different--and down to baggage claim. Again, on the complete other side of the airport. But, there was a light at the end of the tunnel, or so I thought, as I had made arrangements for a bellhop from the airport Sheraton to meet us and handle the baggage. I did this on my trip home when I was a billion weeks pregnant and it worked like gangbusters. Sadly, this time we arrive at baggage claim and there is no one to be found. The baggage carousel is pretty empty as it took us forever to get there, but our luggage still hadn't come out, so it's not like they were all done unloading the bags. Eventually the suitcases come and I go hunt down our stroller, but now we have two FULL luggage carts plus a stroller and only two people to move all this stuff. It was bananas. We work our way through customs and I am fuming about the stupid bell hop the whole time and when we finally get through customs and out into the airport, there is no elevator to be found. I leave MamaTK with the baby and the luggage and searching for an elevator but seriously, there are like, zero in that airport! It's crazy. There are signs explaining how to take the luggage cart on the escalator, so I guess that's what folks do in Germany. I'm pretty sure it would have been a safety hazard with the luggage carts we were sporting.  (Not to mention it seems kinda sketchy to take a stroller on an escalator.)

Anyways, after searching the airport for an elevator and coming up empty, MamaTK was like, "Can you just go to the hotel and get someone to come help?" Since the hotel is attached to the airport, I was like, "I guess so." And so I left MamaTK with piles of crap and a baby to head to the hotel to check-in. I did get someone to help and I got a complementary upgrade to a club suite due to the mix up. (They said there was someone there but left because I never showed up. I would say that guy should at least wait until all the luggage has been unloaded. There were still people at the carousel, for pete's sake!)

So we finally get everything up to the suite and while I had hoped to do a day of sightseeing in Frankfurt, the weather was awful and we were pretty exhausted so we slept and I ventured out to a few grocery stores for food. Plus, with the upgrade, we could access the club level where there is free food during happy hour.  So that was nice. MamaTK got lots of sleep. Me? Not so much as BabyTK decided a series of 15 minute power naps were all the sleep he was willing to do. Unless of course he was sleeping on me. Then he snoozed away. But as soon as I put him down, the wailing began.

3.) FRA-IST
This leg of the journey was pretty smooth. The only notable thing that I recall is that for some reason, whenever I put the car seat up on the table by the x-ray conveyor belt in order to take the baby out of it, everyone, security and random passengers around me, kept thinking I was going to put the baby through the x-ray in his car seat. I'm not sure if I give off an "incompetent parent" vibe or what. This happened at O'Hare, too. Anyways, I did not put the baby through the x-ray.

The flight to Istanbul was not full and, in fact, the bulkhead seats in front of us were all empty. We were all set to move when some random guy swooped in and took the aisle seat (there were only three seats in the row.) He promptly reclined his seat (into MamaTK's lap) and then got up and went and sat next to some lady (who may or may not have been a famous German person based on how the flight attendants and some passengers were acting) who was in the two seat section rright across the aisle. (It was a 2-3-2 set up.) It was really annoying.

And, of course, upon arriving in Istanbul, our stroller ended up in the forwarded baggage, sent on to Bishkek. Not sure how on earth you are supposed to get gate checked item upon arrival. Luckily there are mini-baggage carts for carry-ons in Istanbul and BabyTK's car seat fit right in it, so I didn't have to haul him around by hand for the duration of our two hour layover.

Also, the Popeye's in the Istanbul airport was incredibly underwhelming.

4.) IST-FRU
Not a lot to report from this leg. Things went pretty smooth. The only thing is that the Turkish air flights always board, like, 30-45 minutes after the say they are  going to, so people are always lined up waiting anxiously at the gate. And of course, it was right around boarding time that BabyTK decided he needed to eat. Well, you know, I didn't really want to start feeding him only to be told to start boarding. But then again, they were taking their sweet time to start the boarding. So I'm bouncing a crying baby much to the delight of all the other passengers, I'm sure. And old babushka, who kept telling me the baby should be wearing a hat (I think that's what she was saying; it was all in Russian) also told me the baby was hungry.

Eventually we got to board, and amusingly since I had a baby I got to go in the early boarding, but there was already a big line of passengers down the jet bridge waiting. The Turkish Airlines guy grabbed the car seat from me and pushes through the crowd with me trying to keep up and MamaTK way behind trying to explain to confused passengers that she was with us. So we get to the front and the guy basically makes them take down the barrier that is across the door and we get in (along with the impatient horde behind us.)

The flight was fine, except BabyTK's carseat took up the whole (tiny) space so the lady in front of him couldn't recline. This lead her travel companion to ask us if there was a problem and I was like, "No." And she gestures to the baby's carseat and is like, "Can you do something about this?" And I was like, "No." And that seemed to be enough for her. Thankfully no one tried to strangle either me or BabyTK. Of course, in what might be a form of passive aggressive retaliation, the companion (who was seated in the middle seat in front of me) promptly reclined her seat into me and then moved into the empty seat in front of MamaTK, reclined her seat and spent the rest of the flight there. But oh well, what can you do? It all worked out.

And so here we are, back in Bishkek. Not sure when our next trip will be, but we'll see how international travel changes as BabyTK becomes ToddlerTK and eventually ChildTK. He was pretty sleepy on all the airplanes. I assume he will continue to be a perfect angel as he travels the world.


*For those of you not in the know, mantis are Kyrgyz dumplings.

ATK and the Case of the Forty-seven Cents

I realize this title makes it sound like something mysterious is afoot in Kyrgyzstan, but I have to admit it's just a shout out to my childhood hero, Encyclopedia Brown.

I mean, I do have an amusing tale to tell about 47 cents, but there is no case to be cracked or riddle to be solved. But admit it, "The Case of the Forty-seven Cents" totally sounds like it could be an Encyclopedia Brown mystery.

Anyways, the other day, a Kyrgyz co-worker came to me and asked a favor.

Her: Ashley, can I ask a favor?

Me: Sure, Altynai, what is it?

Her: Do you have 47 cents I could borrow?

Me: What?

Her: Do you have 47 cents I could borrow? I'll pay you back, of course.


Me: Wha-? Like 47 American cents? Or 47 som*?

Her: American money. I can pay you back.

Me: I'm not worried about that. You mean, you want like pennies and quarters and stuff?

Her: Yes. Do you have any?

Me: Uh, yeah, I mean not here. But I definitely have 47 cents at home. Uh, can I ask why you need 47 cents?

Her: The cashier gave me my advance in dollars for my training in India and I need to return some of the money, but I need to pay even the cents, but you know, it's very hard to get American coins here. I owe 47 cents. So I need to borrow it, because they won't let me pay it in som.

Me: Wow. Really?

Her: Yeah. If you bring it tomorrow, I can pay you back in som.

Me: I'll bring it tomorrow. But you don't need to pay me back.

Her: Thank you so much!

So "tomorrow" rolls around and she comes to my cubicle. "Did you bring the 47 cents?" No I did not. I had forgotten. Why? My guess is because it's 47 freaking cents. She seemed a little disappointed, because I think she wanted to finish with the vouchering and everything, and I don't really blame her. It's a pain to have that hanging over your head.

Anyways, she was disappointed and I felt bad, because I promised I'd bring her the money.

Me: You know what? I have a ton of coins at the bottom of my purse. Let me look and see if I have any American money. Maybe I have it in here after all.

So I scrounge around in my purse, and, in all honesty, I'm not expecting to find American coins, but you never know. So I start pulling out handfuls of coins. Most were som, followed by a surprising number of bolivianos. That started some chit chat.

Me: Oh! Five bolivianos! Don't suppose this will help?

Her: What's that?

Me: Bolivianos. The money they use in Bolivia. Oh. Here's three more.

Her: You've been to Bolivia?

Just then I found a penny. And a dime.

Me: Here's 11 cents. Oh and here's a quarter. So that's 36 cents....(digging some more) Ah! And another quarter! 61 cents! Well what'dya know? Here ya go! (hands over 50 cents.)

Her: Thank you! I can pay you back.

Me: Oh no. In fact, keep the change.

So she left to pay her 47 cents debt and I chuckled to myself because it was such a hullabaloo about such a trivial amount of money. And for those of you out there worried about government waste, don't you worry, the U.S. government will get all the pennies owed to it from advances for business travel.

Because 47 cents is kind of a ridiculous amount of money, I thought, Let me go look at what 47 cents is in som. (Not sure why I didn't just do the math in my head. If I had given it even the slightest thought, I would have figured it out in, like, a second. I think it's because 47 cents is so trivial I figured it would be some trivial amount in som as well.) So I go to good ole xe.com and see that 47 cents is 30 som!

Well, now, 30 som... I can do a lot with 30 som. I can buy some many things with 30 som. What things? Well, a bottle of water, or soda, a giant pig in a blanket at the cafeteria, a cherry pastry, two potato rolls(!), a candy bar, a samsa.... so many things.

I thought to myself, Thirty som? Not sure I would have turned that down if it was offered.

I've marveled at the difference for a day. It's really funny when you think about it. Forty-seven cents is basically useless in America and so I found the whole "47 cent debt" pretty silly. But 30 som? That's a useful amount of money here. And it sounds like so much more than 47 cents. But it's not.

I'm still kinda amazed.


*Som is the Kyrgyzstani currency (in case you haven't figured that out by now.)

Happy (Belated) Women's Day to you all!

The holidays just keep coming here in Kyrgyzstan. From mid-February until mid-March we've only had (or will only have had) one full work week. That's right. Lots of four day weeks for us over on this side of the globe. First we had President's Day. Then Homeland Protector's Day (which doubles for Men's Day). Last weekend, March 8, was Women's Day. And March 23 is Nowruz.

So Women's Day. This is an actual holiday here. The kind where you celebrate at work and also, get a day off of work. I have to admit, I'm quite impressed. It's a big deal. Not quite New Year's Eve/Day big, but pretty big. We nominally have Women's Day in America (March 8th is technically International Women's Day), and I think March is Women's History month, but apart from Facebook meme and posts, it's not really a thing that people seem to do anything to commemorate. Mr. ATK had mentioned that Women's Day was a real "thing" in Kyrgyzstan, (he, in fact, ranked it the fifth biggest holiday in Kyrgyzstan here) but I didn't fully understand just how "real" of a "thing" it was until work on Friday.

So Friday rolls around. As the last day of the work week, it is usually a happy day (as I'm sure you all know). So, I was sitting in my cubicle and a co-worker comes by and hands me a rose.

Me: What's this for?
Him: Women's Day.

The menfolk bought a rose for each woman in the section. And to top it off, the ambassador bought a rose for each woman in the embassy.  Very thoughtful.

Anyways, I ended up having the "What's this for?/What's going on?" conversation several times throughout the day. I kept thinking, "Oh, a rose. Oh nice. That must be it." But nope. One lady made earrings for all the women in our section, and then the guys took us out for lunch, then we got back and there were a couple cakes and lots of cookies. I mean, every section did their own thing, but our section's was pretty boss. And I have to say, it wasn't just the guys doing things for women. I'm pretty sure the cakes and stuff were from the boss, who is herself a woman. And the one lady made earrings for everyone.

As we were heading out to lunch (another situation where someone was like, "Come on, let's go!" And was like, "What's up? Where are we going?") I mentioned to one of my Kyrgyz coworkers that I did not realize Women's Day was such a big deal and she was like, "You don't have this in America?" Me: "No. Not really. I mean it exists, but you don't do anything or get any time off and if you asked people when Women's Day is, I think only 10% of Americans could tell you." She was like, "Really? That's funny because it is a holiday because of America. It started there." I was unaware of this, so I looked it up. Sure enough, the first National Women's Day was held on February 28, 1909 in New York in honor of the 1908 garment worker's strike.

So, I have to give "mad props" (the kids still say this, right?) to not only Kyrgyzstan, but the menfolk in the office who really went all out. On Men's Day (aka Homeland Protectors Day) we got cake and pizza for the guys and I remember asking one of my female Kyrgyz co-workers if we could expect something similar for Women's Day and she was like, "Oh, yes." And I thought, Well, I'll believe it when I see it, because, in my past experience, while guys in the office usually support these sorts of social activities (including monetarily), they rarely plan them. That usually falls on the women in the office, for whatever reason. Personally, I never minded planning things, but it's just something I've noticed over time. Anyways, mea culpa, guys.  Well done.

And though this is a week late, I wanted to end this post with this link to Buzzfeed's list of 12 Historical Women who gave No F**ks. (And if the title doesn't give it away, there is hilarious, but explicit, language in this list, so, you know, you might not want to check it out at work.)

  

The One Where I Explicitly Tell Everyone that I'm Pregnant

So I know I announced BabyTK's impending arrival in my last blog post, but as you will read, I started writing this first. You know in the beginning when you aren't supposed to tell people, but so much stuff is going on that I just wanted to share it, so I've been randomly typing whenever something amusing or novel strikes me.  And everything is novel for me at this point. Mr. ATK says this is all a blatant bid to increase traffic to ye olde blogge. He's not entirely wrong. I'm happy with the traffic, but I am fascinated by the fact that the post I wrote about Lucky Charms has 2500 views (that's 2300 more than any other post.) I assume it has become mandatory reading at General Mill's. Or people just like reading about cereal. I have no idea. I don't expect this stuff to compete, but maybe it's more interesting than the giant piece of fish I had in London. Who knows?

_______________________________________________________________________________
Mr. ATK and I got quite the Christmas surprise this year-- we found out that I'm pregnant with Baby TK who is slated to arrive sometime in August. 

Now I'm starting to write this early on, a few months before I'm actually planning on publishing this, but it has been an interesting time of learning about "my changing body." You know, asking the internet "Why am I so tired all the time?" and "Why do I always feel like I'm going to puke?" and then reading the internet's answers. I'm not sure what people did when they only had that What to Expect When You're Expecting book to read. There is so much to read online--what to eat, what not to eat--funny story about that. Apparently there is a thing called "pica" where pregnant women crave non-food things to eat like paint chips, dirt, and laundry starch. I've never heard of this before so as I was reading the article I said to Mr. ATK, "Hey, apparently pregnant women sometimes crave non-food products." And without missing a beat, he said, "Like dirt." I (somewhat astonished) was like, "Yeah."  And he continues, "It's because they don't get enough iron." This is exactly what the article said, so I was like, "Yeah. How did you know that? I've never heard of pregnant women eating dirt."

Well, apparently it's a rather common problem here in Kyrgyzstan. Mr. ATK then told me about his site mate in Peace Corps who worked with the heath clinic in town. They would go around to the rural villages giving presentations on sanitation, where to dig your bathrooms, prenatal care, etc. So one time, she was making a presentation on prenatal care and was showing it to the healthcare workers and asking for their opinions. They were like, "This is great, but you need to add, 'Don't eat jer.'" (This whole conversation is taking place in Kyrgyz, obviously.) She like, "Huh?" And they kept repeating "Don't eat jer. You need to tell them not to eat jer." Jer means "dirt" but it also means "land" which was the more familiar meaning to Mr. ATK's friend. "What do you mean don't eat land?" Mr. ATK said the Kyrgyz were, like, picking up clumps of dirt, saying, "This. Don't eat this. You need to add a thing telling women not to eat this- jer." I guess she was like, "Wait? People eat dirt?"

I was surprised to hear many Kyrgyz experience anemia during pregnancy since they eat so much meat. Horse is really high in iron, and beef and mutton aren't too shabby either. Mr ATK, however, pointed out a couple things. One, not all Kyrgyz, especially the very poor, eat that much meat. Two, they drink a ton of tea, which inhibits iron absorption. In fact, when a woman is pregnant, they encourage even more tea drinking than usual to keep the baby warm. This also blocks calcium absorption, which, I don't think the Kyrgyz diet is very high in calcium anyway, but it's a problem because the baby ends up leeching calcium from the mother's bones and teeth. Mr. ATK says you can always tell which Kyrgyz women have had children because they are all missing teeth. Now I'm very paranoid about getting enough calcium. I don't want to lose my teeth!
 
Anyways, it's been an interesting couple of weeks so far. Mr. ATK has started researching life insurance, college tuition costs, housing costs.  The internet tells me that this is the male form of "nesting." It's pretty adorable. BabyTK already has a college savings account that began with $100 and is already up to $100.37. Mr. ATK is thrilled. Unfortunately, he has to wait until a "life changing event" occurs before he can change his life insurance. Apparently, pregnancy itself is not sufficiently "life changing."

As for me, I have been dealing with morning sickness and an incredible fatigue. I had no idea that being pregnant meant I would be so freaking tired. And it was confusing at first because I would get tired after doing not particularly taxing things. I was a little alarmed to be panting at the top of a couple flights of stairs, which had never given me trouble before. (Though, I suppose now that I think about it, I've never walked up these stairs not-pregnant.)*  I felt like Dorothy in the very special Golden Girls episode about Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (which of course, is never mentioned again on the show. Like Rose's however many years long pain pill addiction that came and went in one episode.)

(I don't know who made this trailer, but God bless them. I do not consider this episode the "saddest Golden Girls yet." It's not like they were going to actually kill Dorothy. Man, the 80s had the best very special episodes.)

Moving on...

The morning sickness is nausea more than anything. Not vomiting. So I know it could be worse, but it is very unpleasant to feel like you are constantly going to throw up. You know, it's one of those things you always hear about, but you really can't understand it until you experience it. I mean, I feel people focus the most on the last months of pregnancy as being the most uncomfortable (and they probably are) but these early ones? Yikes. They have knocked me on my ass.

And I just have to give mad props to Mr. ATK who has really just been the best. I could not ask for a better husband and partner. I feel bad because, despite not working, I'm really not pulling my weight around the house. I'm sleeping a lot and get tired easily and Mr. ATK has had to pick up a lot of the slack with the cleaning and the cooking.  I don't know how women go through the nausea and fatigue and still work. I think of my friends who have had kids or are expecting and it's like, "How on Earth do you do that?" Sometimes they throw up at work, I imagine, but they keep right on going. I do wonder, though, if maybe I had a job I could focus on something besides how crappy I felt. Hilariously, the day I found out I was pregnant was the day I actually got hired for a job, it's just that it takes, like, a month for security clearances and everything to go through, so I was just sitting around for most of January wallowing in my misery wondering why anyone would do to themselves this more than once.

But happily, I've now moved on to trimester two and, like the internet and every formerly pregnant person I know has told me, the morning sickness and fatigue has cleared right up. I'm a little dumbfounded how it just goes away like that, but it did. (Just like Dorothy's chronic fatigue syndrome. Maybe she was pregnant. Now that would have been a storyline to pursue! Dorothy's pregnant! And it's never mentioned again.) The human body is a mysterious thing. Now, I am hungry. A lot. All the time, it feels like. Again, it's a little weird and difficult to adjust. I'll be like, "Why am I so hungry? I just ate a couple hours ago." My standard breakfast does not go as far as it once did, that's for sure. I feel like Chris Farley in the "Gap Girls" sketch. I quote it often to Mr. ATK.

As for other frequently asked questions, no I don't think I have a baby bump yet. I mean, my belly does seem to be sticking out more, but I feel this may just be the gut I have had for the last 20 years, but I've just stopped sucking it in 24/7. Based on my ultrasounds, the baby is not located under the belly but rather under the flat part of my abdomen below my nascent Buddha belly. Make of that what you will. My pants still fit, but I'm not sure for how long.

So... yeah. That's what I've been up to. It's been an eventful few months. Three down, six to go.



*Of course, if I've learned anything from General Hospital, it's that stairs are a pregnant woman's worst enemy. If you are near them, you will get into a fight with someone at the top of them and you will fall down them. You may lose the baby. Especially, if Sonny Corinthos is the father. I'm pretty sure every time Carly was pregnant, she fell down some stairs. I should probably just take the elevator.

London Calling!

The ATKs just finished their first (very eventful) European vacation. That's right. After all these years of globetrotting, we have missed everyone's go-to vacation spot (pick any place in Western Europe). But not any more! We've just spent the last five days in London, enjoying a variety of food, dreary overcast weather, and general tourist must-do's. I wanted to share a bit about all the fun things we did and also all the songs I randomly sang based on visual, aural, and written cues we came across during our many walks all over town. (See above video for the first song.) I'm also going to try not to get too bogged down in the minute details which ends up making these posts to long and then are posted significantly after the trip/event has end. (Case in point this post about New Year's which I posted 29 days after New Year's occurred. Personally, I'm proud I published it in January at all. Baby steps.)

Anyways, it's a long and tiring journey from Kyrgyzstan to London (with a stopover in Istanbul.) All the flights that leave Bishkek are at 3:00 am so it's one of those "wake up in the middle of the night scenarios."  On the plus side, we were at the hotel in London by noon. We weren't really in a site-seeing mood, of course, what with the exhaustion and jet lag and all. Still we got some traditional British pub food for lunch (steak and ale pie for Mr. ATK and fish and chips with the largest piece of cod I have ever seen for me. There were also mushy peas on my plate. I did not eat those.)

Mr. ATK and his meat pie, chips, and pint of ale. Pip pip cheerio and all that!

The largest piece of fried fish I have ever seen.

And of course, this meal (and basically anytime I saw an advertisement for pies at pubs) had me humming "The Worst Pies in London." (There are better vocalists than Emma Thompson, but she's my favorite and I was at this concert, so... sorry, Angela Lansbury. Next Sweeney Todd reference is all you.)

Our main goal that day was to stay awake until 5 pm. So after lunch we had a stroll around Regent's Park and passed out promptly at 5.

For the next few days, we tried to see as many of the tourist sites as possible. We decided to invest in a "London Pass" which gets you into a lot of things for free after an initial investment of 73 pounds. That doesn't seem like much, but it's actually $111 USD. That's the one thing about London--the sticker shock. All the prices on everything are about what you would expect to see on the items in the US, except the price is in pounds and 1 pound is worth about $1.50, so when you do the math in your head, what is a "5 dollar foot long" Subway sub in America is a $9.00 foot long sub in London. Who wants to spend that much on Subway? On the plus side, we didn't eat fast food the whole time we were there.

So we were pretty obsessed with getting our 73 pounds worth from this pass. It wasn't that hard to do, since it costs between 15 and 20 pounds (usually closer to 20) to get into any of the big places--Westminster Abby, Tower of London, Kensington Palace, War Cabinet Rooms, etc. It was nice to finally see the inside of most of these places as the only previous time I had been to London was over a weekend while I was studying in France and I couldn't actually afford to go in anywhere. I just walked by and pointed at things.  So it was nice to see what the fuss was all about.

Selfie at Big Ben!

I really enjoyed Westminster Abbey. That was very cool. We didn't get a chance to visit St. Paul's Cathedral--we only saw it in the skyline. That did not stop me from singing, "Feed the Birds (Tuppence a Bag)" from Mary Poppins. In fact, I basically started humming that song any time I saw a church. I'm not picky.

Mr. ATK really wanted to go to St. Paul's. I think he wanted to see the inside. I also wanted to go, but mainly to look for a bird lady. I did see lots of pigeons all over London, and I have to say, they were all pretty fat, so I guess the bird lady has done her job. I don't believe for a second any of those birds have a bare nest. We'll be going back to London in a few months and we plan to see the cathedral then. I'll keep you informed about my quest to feed the birds. However, if it costs more than tuppence a bag, I make no guarantee.

We did some other free stuff, including braving the massive throngs of people to see the changing of the guard at Buckingham Palace.

It was crowded, but not Wagah Border crossing crowded. Still, I was stuck looking at the backs of people's heads and shoulders for the most part. More than anything, this is what I saw:

I got great views of the whole thing on the cell phones of the people in front of me. We didn't stay for the whole thing. It turns into a band concert half way in and I was hungry, so off we went.

The other thing I really enjoyed was the Diana, Princess of Wales Memorial Fountain in Hyde Park. The weather was awful, as weather in England tends to be, but the memorial was lovely. I can see it being a wonderful place to spend time in the summer when, I assume, the weather is nicer. I was a big Diana fan back in the day and was sad (like so many others were) when she died. It's hard to describe the fountain and the pictures don't really do it justice, so I'll just link to the Wikipedia page here.

I liked this little kid running around and having fun at the memorial. Princess Diana did so much to help children around the world, it just seemed fitting that her memorial would continue to bring joy to children.

And of course, here's the video for the song I was humming along (and occasionally blatantly singing) while we were there. Of course, I forgot a lot of the new words and so kept switching to original recipe "Candle in the Wind" after I got past the "Goodbye, England's rose" part.

On our last day in country, just to top off the excitement of living the high life in London, we went to the doctor at BabyInc. (yep, that's a real and very reputable clinic) and saw pictures of the soon-to-be BabyTK.

Coming Summer 2015

To be continued......

Oh, and I also sang "Waterloo Sunset" a lot but couldn't really fit it in anywhere in the post. So here it is at the end. A reward for folks who made it through this whole thing.